She’s a rabbi. He’s a Palestinian peace activist. They’re trying to start a movement
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Earlier this month, Rabbi Jill Avrin was busy making triangular shaped cookies filled with pomegranate seeds and tahini.
“Today is Purim,” she said. “So I’m just making the dessert, which is hamantaschen.”
Avrin, who leads a nonprofit focused on bringing together the Jewish community, was baking for an unusual crowd. As she arranged the cookies on a baking sheet, her guests Moneer and Emma Rifai pulled up to Arvin’s Hopkins home in a car with a “Free Palestine” bumper sticker on the back.
They joked how self-conscious they recently felt also attending Avrin’s daughter’s bat mitzvah with that bumper sticker on their car.
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Steve Lear, who is Jewish, also joined the Purim lunch. The four meet regularly, sometimes for coffee and sometimes for Chinese food. The topic of discussion is always the same: Israel’s ongoing war in Gaza and its impact on both their communities.
It had been a few weeks since they last talked, and there had been lots of developments including President Donald Trump’s suggestion that Palestinians be removed from Gaza while the U.S. transformed the region into a resort.
All four of them were rattled by Trump’s proposal. But that day, over lunch of pita, hummus, marinated chicken and rice pilaf they’d return to the challenging topic of the war once again, pushing each other to understand each other’s perspectives on the conflict — even when those perspectives are hard to hear and the conversation gets heated.
The group may be small, but Avrin said it’s their responsibility as bridge builders in their respective communities to keep the conversation going.
“I think that the work we’re doing is in that spirit of not staying silent and coming together when really, society is encouraging us to remain in our little insular communities,” she said.
A tense first meeting
Hamas attacked Israel on Oct. 7, 2023, and Israel bombed Gaza in response.
Early in the war, Moneer Rifai, who is Palestinian American, wanted to inform the public about its devastating impact on his people, which he and his wife Emma view as genocide.
There were already many protests in support of Palestinians. Rifai decided to focus on dialogue instead.
He met Rabbi Avrin through a network of interfaith leaders. She was already involved in efforts to reduce Islamophobia and anti-Semitism. Since then, the two have hosted a series of public forums with their first in December 2023, just a few months after the war started.
Neither Rifai nor Avrin speak for everyone in their communities. And some people on both sides think their dialogue efforts are a waste of time and undermine their own causes.
Rifai said he’s trying to help build a middle ground where people at odds over the war can connect, even when they vehemently disagree about the war.
“I think there are many, many more moderates, many more just everyday people that just don’t want this to happen,” he said. “But I don’t think their voices are being heard, I honestly think in this conflict, no one’s going to win. I think the only way through is together.”
But that first meeting was tense, Rifai said.
“In my talk, I essentially spoke about my understanding and empathy to the Jewish people, to their plight, to their historic suffering and pain, but then I switched gears to saying but that doesn’t justify what's happening to the Palestinian people as well,” said Rifai.
After the event was over, Steve Lear approached Moneer and Emma Rifai. They got into an argument.
“Emma yelled at me for not being sensitive enough to the Palestinian plight,” he said. "I yelled at her.”
But with some time to reflect, Lear decided to contact Moneer Rifai to make amends.
“I decided, ‘This is a person that I really would like to kind of get to know, because he’s a fanatical moderate, and she and I are more a little bit on the fanatical side,’” Lear said, referring to Emma Rifai. “And I thought that the four of us could actually create an environment where fanatical moderation could exist.”
Human connection and new perspectives
The four of them have been meeting ever since that initial rocky start.
As they sat down for lunch, the group talked about lighter things like the delicious food, upcoming travel and their families. They want to screen a documentary made by a Palestinian and an Israeli and launch a book club and history discussion group.
But Moneer Rifai said some people in his Palestinian American community are not ready for these discussions yet. Trump’s actions and rhetoric around the conflict since taking office have been particularly unsettling to some people.
“Every day on the news just really goes from bad to worse,” said Rifai. “[Palestinian Americans] are just feeling the crisis, feeling the existential crisis … especially those who have loved ones in Gaza or even in the West Bank."
Avrin and Lear said they understand.
But their discussions over some fundamental issues remain fraught, especially between Steve Lear and Emma Rifai.
At one point, Lear expressed fears that Hamas will destroy the Jewish people if given the chance. For him, that justifies Israel’s mission to defend itself.
“How will Israelis trust that Hamas has totally shifted its mindset away from the destruction of the Jewish people. We’ve been there. I’m sorry, the Palestinians have never been out to be destroyed,” he said.
“Fifty-thousand of them would argue with you if they had voices still. The Palestinians are not responsible for the Holocaust. My people were. And I can admit that,” responded Emma Rifai, who is white and who grew up in Minnesota.
Lear disagreed. The whole world, he said, was responsible for the Holocaust.
But Rifai pushed back.
“Palestinians had nothing to do with the Holocaust. The Holocaust was a modern program committed by white Europeans against their Jewish neighbors. It’s inexcusable, but it is not the responsibility of the Palestinians.”
This sort of back and forth is normal for the group. It pushes the boundaries of their beliefs. It reframes how they see old narratives about this conflict that’s thousands of years old and thousands of miles away, even if they remain steadfast in their views.
As lunch came to an end, Emma Rifai reflected on why these discussions have been so important to her.
“It doesn’t necessarily change where I land in terms of my perspective, but it does make it easier to see human connections and not just sort of a faceless Israeli politician,” she said. Hearing personal stories of how this war is affecting Jewish people builds empathy and understanding, she said. “That’s what I am grateful for. I am truly grateful for that.”
So this group is going to keep talking, even when it’s painful.
“People might say that’s really naive, but I also think that this is how movements work,” said Jill Avrin. “If there are enough movements like ours locally and around the country, the more pressure that is felt in the international community. I think that those things really do make a difference.”
Correction: (March 20, 2025) An earlier version of this story misspelled the names of Jill Avrin and Jake Jarecki in captions.