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It can be hard to talk about politics, even with the people we love.

About 1 in 4 people in the U.S. say they’ve 

due to political disagreements. And many voters say they have few or 

 polarization can lead to isolation, stress and anger. And researchers have found the more distant a person feels from the political norm in their state, the worse their reported health.

It’s easy to blame and judge people who don’t share your opinions. But have you ever taken a moment to reflect how your own thoughts, words or actions may add to the vitriol? Turns out, one of the best places to start, when it comes to healing the political divide, is to look inward.

“How often do I feel a rush of pleasure with friends when we ridicule those ‘crazies’ on the other political side?”

This comes from an exercise in a course called 

, a group that aims to help Americans bridge the political divide.

Be honest with yourself if the answer is “often.” Another part of the course asks you to consider the words you use: If you lean blue and words like “anti-immigrant” or “bible-thumper” come to mind, or if you lean red and you’re thinking “elitist” or “unpatriotic,” then your inner polarizer is alive and well.

Labels can dehumanize the opposing side especially when they don’t reflect the complexity of people’s views.

The exercise is “like a reality check on how much anger and resentment you are carrying around,” says Sue Staehli, who is a blue co-chair of the Braver Angels, N.W. Willamette Valley Alliance, in Oregon. (Blue means she usually votes Democrat.)

“What drove me to Braver Angels was my absolute walking away from the politics of ridicule,” she says. “I just couldn’t stand it anymore.” She now helps lead Braver Angels’ workshops aimed at promoting dialogue and understanding among people with opposing views.

We saw her in action at the Washington County Fair in Hillsboro, Ore., over the summer. She was running a booth with her red co-chair Elizabeth Christensen, who usually votes Republican, to facilitate dialogue with fairgoers. They helped people see both sides of some very divisive issues.

“We’re not trying to get people to start agreeing,” Staehli says. The goal is to turn down the temperature, “to stop hating each other,” she says. And, through dialogue, to see past labels, stereotypes and division.

Christensen says this works because “they’re not criticizing the other side. They’re not putting them down. They’re not adding to the problem. They’re working on actually resolving it.”

Oftentimes, Staehli says, people will find common ground as they consider others’ beliefs and values. They start to see how compromise might be possible.

“We are absolutely not as divided as we think we are

, a psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and author of the new book 

. Israel points to research that shows our perceptions of how polarized we are, are overblown.

“We think the Democrats and Republicans are much farther apart on the issues than they actually are,” she says. Take gun control. Of course, there’s a divide, but many Democrats and Republicans 

. There is some common ground, but more extreme voices often dominate the political discourse.

Israel says bridge-building groups like Braver Angels give “people an opportunity to experience the ideas and the people on both sides in a more multidimensional way.” We start to have a better understanding of “how truly complex and thoughtful people are.”

If this election cycle is causing you distress or tension with people you know, here are ways to depolarize yourself and talk to those you disagree with.

1.) Notice stereotypes in your own thinking

stereotyping, dismissing, ridiculing and contempt are 

the four horsemen of polarization.” The group’s online depolarizing workshop teaches how to counter these attitudes in yourself.

Their process starts with a self-assessment — you answer a series of questions, such as:

Then stop and take stock, Staehli says, and consider “how much anger and resentment you are carrying around yourself?” Are you judging people as “worthless” or “deplorable” and not seeing them as fully human?

Once you see your own attitudes clearly, Braver Angels has you rethink the story you tell yourself about people with opposing views. Here are a few starting points, adapted from the course:

 narratives,” Israel says. Through evolutionary hardwiring we tend to adopt a team sport mentality, she says. And much of cable news reinforces this polarizing storyline, emphasizing controversy and division.

“The more people tune into news that caters to one side or the other, the more skewed their perceptions of people on the other side is going to be,” Israel says.

People need to “consume news wisely,” she says – by seeking out information from different points of view, recognizing that we’re likely exposing ourselves to only a small slice of information.

Also, Israel says, set time limits — don’t obsessively consume negative news. Doom scrolling reinforces negative messages and can take a toll on your mental health.

4.) Curate your social media feed and watch for misinformation

your exposure to viewpoints that differ from your own. So it's important to take control of what you are seeing on these platforms.

It’s easy to share or like messages that reinforce our biases. If the message slams a person on the other side, but fails to teach you anything or offer a solution, ask yourself if it’s really helpful, says Israel. If the answer is no, don’t like or share it. And consider unfollowing groups or individuals that repeatedly spew one-sided or scornful messages or misinformation.

“We can empower ourselves as individuals to really make choices about how much we’re going to attend to and interact with polarizing content” Israel says.

Also be aware that some of what you see online may not be created by your fellow voters at all. Foreign governments including 

 are trying to spread divisive messaging and misinformation in order to exacerbate polarization and influence U.S. elections. One resource to help spot misinformation is 

The opposite of scrolling is to actually engage with other humans.

“It turns out, that’s a wonderful thing for us to do,” Israel says. And not only can we spend more time with family and friends, but we also get involved in our community. This may help counter political – and social – isolation. Plus, “it’s actually good for our mental health to volunteer,” she says.

The Braver Angel volunteers say they feel a sense of satisfaction from helping people think through divisive issues.

When you work with other people toward a common goal, there’s science to show it increases your feelings of well-being, as you build connections. So, as a first step, think of a cause you care about and find an organization that could use your help.

When it comes to resolving conflict, people are not going to hear you – or your point of view – until they feel heard. This is why listening and acknowledging is so key to the Braver Angel’s approach to bridge-building. “You do it over and over again,” Staehli says until the other person feels heard. This can help establish good will.

 for how to have a productive conversation with someone across the political divide.

Both Christensen and Staehli have used these skills in conversation with their own families. “They work incredibly well,” Christensen says.

In a polarized situation, people are very empathetic toward people on their own side, but very not empathetic toward people on the other side, Israel says. This can work against the goal of bridge-building.

Years ago Israel began listening to a cassette tape recording of a 

 recorded by Sharon Salzberg. She says it brought her a sense of calm and helped build a sense of empathy for others.

So, she adapted this meditation, with political polarization in mind. She says it can help “generate compassion toward all people,” not just those we agree with. Here’s how it works:

 improve social interactions and increase happiness which can lower symptoms of anxiety and depression. It’s also been shown 

Jane Greenhalgh and Carmel Wroth contributed to and edited this report.

Allison Aubrey

Author

With only weeks to a divisive election it can be hard to talk politics. Polarization can damage our relationships and our health.  We have strategies to reduce election stress, starting with ourselves.

Are political disagreements stressing you out? Here are tips to bridge the divide

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