Help me date IRL (in real life)
From everyday questions to more complex problems, we’re asking the experts to lend us a hand. Throughout the series "Professional Help," we’ll hear some direct advice, for us not-so-direct Minnesotans.
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Valentine’s Day is around the corner and many couples are making plans to celebrate their love. The holiday goes by another name for some, singles awareness day. And while it sounds like a day of pity, it’s actually a day to celebrate that there’s nothing wrong with being single! But with dating apps and the pandemic, it seems a lot of people have forgotten or never really learned how to flirt and date. So we turned to get some Professional Help.
Our ask: Help me date IRL (in real life)
Our professional: Erica Suzanne McKay, matchmaker with Erica Suzanne Matchmaking
Use the audio player above to listen to the full conversation.
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Audio transcript
NINA MOINI: It's time for another installment of our series on "Minnesota Now" called "Professional Help." We all need a little help to get through life sometimes. From everyday questions to more complex problems, we're asking the experts to lend us a hand. Here's "Minnesota Now" producer Aleesa Kuznetsov.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: Valentine's Day is around the corner. And many couples are making plans to celebrate their love. The holiday goes by another name for some, Singles Awareness Day. And while it sounds like a day of pity, it's actually a day to celebrate that there's nothing wrong with being single.
But as someone in that category, I have found it increasingly harder to find a partner. With dating apps and the pandemic, I think a lot of people have forgotten or never even really learned how to flirt and date. So I turned to get some professional help.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: My name is Erica Suzanne McKay. And I am the owner of Erica Suzanne Matchmaking Firm and Matchmaker.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: Like me, you hear the term matchmaker. And you may think, they still have those?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match
Find me a find
Catch me a catch
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: But Erica calls herself the modern day matchmaker.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: You know, there's a lot of things that are different now than, you know, back in the day in the traditional matchmaking world. So it's more so my relationship knowledge. We know what's going on in the world, the internet, the social media, and all those things that come into play. That's why I call myself the modern matchmaker. But it's still in that traditional sense of trying to figure out what you're looking for and match that accordingly.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: Erica has been matching couples for more than 25 years. She started out with the matchmaking firm, It's Just Lunch, before deciding to start her own matchmaking business in Stillwater. Today, Erica matches singles in the Twin Cities and across the country.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: When I got started, my reach was KARE 11 News and the City Pages. And that was it. And now, the world has opened up to us.
So while that's amazing that the world has opened up to us, that's also a whole thing that with dating, there's so many choices. And there's so many things that people don't pay attention to just what's right in front of them. If this guy doesn't work out, I have 10 others in my inbox.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: And that's where the modern day problems of finding a partner lies. I've seen it firsthand. I like to say I'm part of the dating app generation.
At 27 years old, my entire teens and 20s have been dominated by dating apps, not to mention the pandemic too. And I felt like it put most in my age group behind. We've never had to flirt in person, face to face if we didn't want to.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: When I say meeting at a grocery store and, like, flirting in a grocery store over melons, you probably don't know anything about what I'm talking about. But it literally happened all the time like that. I was at a Starbucks last week. And I'm there for hours.
And nobody talked to each other. And that's so unfortunate. Like, I want that human connection back. And I think that there's a shift that's coming back a little bit.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: There's data to back that up. An Axios and Generation Lab study from 2023 found 79% of Gen Z are forgoing regular dating apps. And in the last year, I've seen several new in-person dating events pop up. There's Thursday, which has singles mixers every Thursday in the Twin Cities, and also a speed dating event called Shuffle that's across the metro. For people looking to put themselves out there, Erica has this advice.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: In your time, in your space, when you're alone, really clarify what you want. Hey, what do you want in your life? You have an amazing career. And you live where you live. And you have friends and family.
Like, what else do you want? What do you want out of your partner? So if you're clarifying what that is, you have more of an idea of, hey, when I meet someone out in the wild, like, how does he show up and fit into that clarity?
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: Erica also suggests getting what she calls correspondence cards that have your name and number on them.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: I know that it's old fashioned but not even business cards-- just your name and number. And so it's like a quick hitter. Like, hey, you're cute, you know? You can say call me.
I, honest to god, have asked every single man out. I have asked them out. And the first time I did it was in my 20s with my card. And I said, hey, call me sometime and, you know, maybe go out.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: But you do also have to find the people to ask out. Besides singles events, Erica suggests volunteering or joining different interest groups like a book club or a sports team. Or you can even just head to your favorite coffee shop.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: Saying hi, making eye contact-- I think that just having that human connection, so really stretching yourself to do that.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: And it's never too late to put yourself out there. Erica's oldest client is 82.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: Aleesa, are you single yourself?
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: Yes. Yeah, I'm single.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: Oh, my gosh. Literally, you're amazing. You're so sweet. And if there's any cute young gentlemen listening, you should probably message her right now.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: So whether you turn to a matchmaker like Erica, say hi to a person at the coffee shop, or maybe bond over melons at the grocery store, you never know where you may find your perfect match.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
For "Professional Help," I'm Aleesa Kuznetsov.
NINA MOINI: And now, I'll give out Aleesa's number. Just kidding. [LAUGHS] Loved that. Great job, Aleesa.
You can hear our new series called "Professional Help" every other Thursday here on "Minnesota Now." Or if you missed one, find the whole collection on nprmusic.org. Support comes from the Minnesota Indian Affairs Council, established to protect the sovereignty of the 11 Minnesota tribes and to ensure the well-being of Minnesota American Indian citizens. Proud to support MPR News Native News Project.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: Valentine's Day is around the corner. And many couples are making plans to celebrate their love. The holiday goes by another name for some, Singles Awareness Day. And while it sounds like a day of pity, it's actually a day to celebrate that there's nothing wrong with being single.
But as someone in that category, I have found it increasingly harder to find a partner. With dating apps and the pandemic, I think a lot of people have forgotten or never even really learned how to flirt and date. So I turned to get some professional help.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: My name is Erica Suzanne McKay. And I am the owner of Erica Suzanne Matchmaking Firm and Matchmaker.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: Like me, you hear the term matchmaker. And you may think, they still have those?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match
Find me a find
Catch me a catch
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: But Erica calls herself the modern day matchmaker.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: You know, there's a lot of things that are different now than, you know, back in the day in the traditional matchmaking world. So it's more so my relationship knowledge. We know what's going on in the world, the internet, the social media, and all those things that come into play. That's why I call myself the modern matchmaker. But it's still in that traditional sense of trying to figure out what you're looking for and match that accordingly.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: Erica has been matching couples for more than 25 years. She started out with the matchmaking firm, It's Just Lunch, before deciding to start her own matchmaking business in Stillwater. Today, Erica matches singles in the Twin Cities and across the country.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: When I got started, my reach was KARE 11 News and the City Pages. And that was it. And now, the world has opened up to us.
So while that's amazing that the world has opened up to us, that's also a whole thing that with dating, there's so many choices. And there's so many things that people don't pay attention to just what's right in front of them. If this guy doesn't work out, I have 10 others in my inbox.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: And that's where the modern day problems of finding a partner lies. I've seen it firsthand. I like to say I'm part of the dating app generation.
At 27 years old, my entire teens and 20s have been dominated by dating apps, not to mention the pandemic too. And I felt like it put most in my age group behind. We've never had to flirt in person, face to face if we didn't want to.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: When I say meeting at a grocery store and, like, flirting in a grocery store over melons, you probably don't know anything about what I'm talking about. But it literally happened all the time like that. I was at a Starbucks last week. And I'm there for hours.
And nobody talked to each other. And that's so unfortunate. Like, I want that human connection back. And I think that there's a shift that's coming back a little bit.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: There's data to back that up. An Axios and Generation Lab study from 2023 found 79% of Gen Z are forgoing regular dating apps. And in the last year, I've seen several new in-person dating events pop up. There's Thursday, which has singles mixers every Thursday in the Twin Cities, and also a speed dating event called Shuffle that's across the metro. For people looking to put themselves out there, Erica has this advice.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: In your time, in your space, when you're alone, really clarify what you want. Hey, what do you want in your life? You have an amazing career. And you live where you live. And you have friends and family.
Like, what else do you want? What do you want out of your partner? So if you're clarifying what that is, you have more of an idea of, hey, when I meet someone out in the wild, like, how does he show up and fit into that clarity?
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: Erica also suggests getting what she calls correspondence cards that have your name and number on them.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: I know that it's old fashioned but not even business cards-- just your name and number. And so it's like a quick hitter. Like, hey, you're cute, you know? You can say call me.
I, honest to god, have asked every single man out. I have asked them out. And the first time I did it was in my 20s with my card. And I said, hey, call me sometime and, you know, maybe go out.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: But you do also have to find the people to ask out. Besides singles events, Erica suggests volunteering or joining different interest groups like a book club or a sports team. Or you can even just head to your favorite coffee shop.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: Saying hi, making eye contact-- I think that just having that human connection, so really stretching yourself to do that.
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: And it's never too late to put yourself out there. Erica's oldest client is 82.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: Aleesa, are you single yourself?
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: Yes. Yeah, I'm single.
ERICA SUZANNE MCKAY: Oh, my gosh. Literally, you're amazing. You're so sweet. And if there's any cute young gentlemen listening, you should probably message her right now.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ALEESA KUZNETSOV: So whether you turn to a matchmaker like Erica, say hi to a person at the coffee shop, or maybe bond over melons at the grocery store, you never know where you may find your perfect match.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
For "Professional Help," I'm Aleesa Kuznetsov.
NINA MOINI: And now, I'll give out Aleesa's number. Just kidding. [LAUGHS] Loved that. Great job, Aleesa.
You can hear our new series called "Professional Help" every other Thursday here on "Minnesota Now." Or if you missed one, find the whole collection on nprmusic.org. Support comes from the Minnesota Indian Affairs Council, established to protect the sovereignty of the 11 Minnesota tribes and to ensure the well-being of Minnesota American Indian citizens. Proud to support MPR News Native News Project.
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