New book traces life from a Somali orchard to running a nonprofit in Minnesota

NINA MOINI: While our final guest of the afternoon is out with a new book about her life, it takes pieces from her story, the childhood she spent in her grandparents' orchard in Somalia, her teen years in a refugee camp, and her adulthood in the United States and Minnesota. In My Dear Loving Sisters, Tea and Stories from an Audacious Life, Fatoun Ali lays out how she survived poverty and abuse to raise four children and start a nonprofit. And she lays it all out like a workbook, with strategies and questions for overcoming all kinds of challenges.

And her nonprofit, Somali Youth and Family Development Center, turns 15 this year and has a gala on Wednesday to celebrate. And Fatoun Ali is here with me in the studio. Such a pleasure to have you here. Thank you for being here, Fatoun.

FATOUN ALI: Thank you so much.

NINA MOINI: Well, I have your book here. I got to page through it a little bit. I haven't had a chance to read it yet. But it was like sitting with a friend and getting a lot of advice about your life. Can you talk about why you decided on the title My Dear Loving Sisters? And who you were thinking about as you wrote this book?

FATOUN ALI: I started thinking about the book when I was in my darkest place, and I needed a sister. I needed a friend. I needed somebody to hear me and talk to me and comfort me. And I came up with the title My Dear Loving Sisters. I believe we're all sisters in this Earth. We all came from God. And it's very important to have a sister in your life, whether she's younger or older.

NINA MOINI: Absolutely. In the book, which does include very many personal stories, you write the quote, "If we recognize our mistakes but keep them hidden, we keep our pain." But mistakes are hard to talk about because they have some shame attached to them sometimes. How does it feel for you to share your most difficult moments with the public?

FATOUN ALI: It's very important as a mother of four kids-- two boys, two girls. It's my responsibility to help them and guide them in life, which I didn't have. And I wanted to talk about my pains because that's the only way I can heal, I can move on, and I can help other women to have a voice, because I did not have a voice when I was young. I wasn't able to speak to adults.

And now as a mother, I want my kids to come to me and talk to me and tell me their pain and their hurts and their struggles. So that's the reason I wrote this book, for my children, for the women that are feeling voiceless, for the young kids that don't feel like they can speak up. There's a mentor. There's somebody out there that can listen to them. And I want everybody, every woman to know that whatever you're going through, you can survive from it if you find the right people to help you.

NINA MOINI: And so really, there's a broad range of topics that you address that can be helpful for people, talking about finances, to how to have boundaries. How did you decide which topics to include that you thought would be most helpful?

FATOUN ALI: This book is on women that is struggling. When I was abused as a young woman with two children, I was struggling how to survive. So I had all of these things that I needed. And remembering when I was doing my resettlement caseworker job in California, those are the things that families need. They need all of those different topics. So what I needed is what they needed and what other-- a lot of immigrants need. So I wanted to include those.

NINA MOINI: And so in addition to the stories, there's this neat workbook facet to the book. And there's prompts and questions and journaling. And it's really neat. I haven't seen a lot of things like it. Why did you decide to incorporate that workbook component?

FATOUN ALI: I was feeling really down. And I wanted something to lift me up. So I have also a journal, a 5-minute journal that I was talking to my dear soul, telling my soul that everything is going to be OK. And I was telling myself, if I journal and use positive affirmations, the more is the mind game. You have to feed positive information in your head and speak up positive. And with that, you believe in it. And things get better. And that's why I put the questions in there, so they can think and give them a positive affirmation.

NINA MOINI: I think many people can relate to being part of a culture or several cultures and feeling like they want to make progress or changes in their own life, but they're up against the broader culture. And you're really honest in this book about some of the things that you feel like aren't working for women in your community, relationships with power dynamics and different genders. How has it been for you sharing your honest opinions about what is going on? And has that been difficult at all for the larger community to embrace?

FATOUN ALI: It's very difficult when families or communities, some community members want to save the marriage. But sometimes it's better to be single than be in an abusive relationship where you're physically abused, mentally abused, emotionally abused, psychologically abused and also in so many different ways that they don't know what's happening inside the house. All they see is what the other person is telling and what other people are believing.

But if your spouse is physically abusive to you in any kind of abuse, it's hard. And the reason I talk about this is I want-- I don't want my daughter to go through abuse. I don't want my sons to be abusers. And I was very, very hard community. A lot of communities do not talk about the abuse that happens at home. It's hidden. It's keeping the families and the children together.

But how is it good for children to see their parents abusing each other physically or mentally or in any way? Because those children have hearts. They have ears. They're young. They're vulnerable. And they don't want to be in an abusive house. And I wanted my children to grow up in a healthy environment, the life that I didn't have, that I wanted to create a new generation for my children where it's possible to have a relationship, to have a life, to have a partner, to have children, and have a healthy relationship with themselves also.

NINA MOINI: You're breaking cycles up. What has your children-- you have four kids. What's their reaction been? Are they really proud of you?

FATOUN ALI: They're extremely proud of me. They encourage me. My children are the light of my life and the reason that I'm doing what I'm doing, the reason that I go home. And I'm excited about the legacy that I'm leaving for them. And my goal is to make sure that they're safe mentally, physically, emotionally, and they're successful in this life.

NINA MOINI: I want to switch gears a little bit to talk about your nonprofit. You're very busy. You have a lot going on. Tell me about Somali Youth and Family Development Centers and this event you have coming up Wednesday.

FATOUN ALI: Absolutely. This event, it's just going to be beautiful. I started Somali Youth and Family Development Center 2009 because I couldn't find an organization or a nonprofit that was tailored to women, especially immigrant women, Somali women who are struggling. As a single mother of two at that time, I was struggling. I didn't get the resources that I needed within my community.

So since I worked in a nonprofit before, it was an idea of, I can do this. And I know what a single mother immigrant women need. So I started the nonprofit with-- support group with women, then mentoring young girls, high schoolers and middle schoolers. And it just expanded. And now it's 15 years. I cannot believe it.

NINA MOINI: Wow. And so you'll have this event on Wednesday to celebrate 15 years. The book My Dear Loving Sisters-- curious-- are you-- do you have plans to translate this at all into the Somali language?

FATOUN ALI: Absolutely. I do have a plan. I'm also working on other books that I will be translating.

NINA MOINI: And over the course of your 15 years in this work, or more, I'm assuming, do you feel like people's attitudes have progressed or changed toward the types of changes that you're wanting to make?

FATOUN ALI: Yes, especially when they see the-- I'm-- currently the number of them raising kids. I'm educating myself. And I do mentor women to be successful in life. We're in America. We're in a country that we don't know the culture. So you need to make friends with people that don't look like you or don't have the same religion or the same culture. So for them to step up helps them, their children, and generations to come, and the neighbors and the community that we're living in.

NINA MOINI: Thank you so much, Fatoun, for being here and sharing your work with us.

FATOUN ALI: Thank you so much.

NINA MOINI: All the best with your event. Fatoun Ali is the founder of the Somali Youth and Family Development Center and the author of the new book My Dear Loving Sisters, Tea and Stories from an Audacious Life. If you or someone is in a dangerous situation, there is a 24-hour statewide domestic and sexual violence hotline. You can call Minnesota Day One at 866-223-1111. Or you can text 612-399-9995.